December 4, 2008

Of sloppy seconds

Posted in creampies, cuckolds, cum, Elisha Cuthbert, masturbation, Rachel Hunter, sloppy seconds, swingers, threesomes, wifelovers at 4:28 pm by prurientdiarist

Sean Avery, the most notorious pest in the National Hockey League was suspended by the league earlier this week. Avery has shown great skill for getting in trouble for his actions on the ice and his comments off. Here’s what landed him in hot water this time:

“I’m really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.”

The sloppy seconds he was specifically referring to was actress Elisha Cuthbert, who is now dating Calgary defenseman Dion Phaneuf, but since Avery’s talking about guys plural, he’s also tossing ex-girlfriend Rachel Hunter, who is now dating Los Angeles forward Jaret Stoll, into the mix as well.

Sloppy seconds.

Sloppy seconds.

Technically, Rachel Hunter was Rod Stewart's sloppy seconds when Avery had her.

Technically, she was Rod Stewart's sloppy seconds when Avery had her.

I’m not hear to say what should be done with Avery. That horse has been beaten to death by others. No, I want to talk about the literal definition of sloppy seconds — a thoroughly fucked pussy that is being enjoyed by another man.

I’ve been the third wheel in about a half dozen threesomes, and they’ve always been of the two-men, one-woman variety. (No, I’ve not yet reached the holy grail of a FFM threeway, but hope springs eternal.) Anyway, I’ve played with married couples, engaged couples and live-in lovers, and I’ve enjoyed myself (well, actually her self) each time. Though each encounter was unique, there was a common theme — the man loved to watch his woman fuck and suck another cock. And, except for one encounter that I discovered was set up so the man could suck another man (not a bad surprise with his submissive girlfriend joining in), the men treated those just-fucked pussies, those sloppy seconds, like they were the best thing in the world.

The most unusual of the threesomes was with one of the married couples. Technically, it wasn’t a threesome, since he didn’t participate while I was still there, but when a guy drive around town while his woman sucks and fucks me in the back of the conversion van, I’m inclined to stretch the definition of threesome a bit to let this qualify. I met them through a personals ad on a swingers site, and after minimal e-mail communication, we decided to meet at a restaurant within a day or two.

I was unsure if I wanted to go through with it because the photos she sent to me a couple hours before our meeting weren’t all that exciting, but there is nothing more frustrating to a swinger than to be stood up, so I decided to go ahead with the meeting, fully intending to give them a polite “thanks but no thanks” and explain that I didn’t feel comfortable unless unless there was an overwhelming electricity between us.

It never got to that point. She was so aggressive, so wanton, that I simply didn’t have a chance. We met in a parking lot, with plans to make feel out each other over lunch. When I pulled my car next to their van, the husband motioned for me to hop into the back with his wife. Within 10 seconds of the door closing behind me, she was leaning back, stroking her pussy through her panties and asking me to show her my cock.

I actually resisted. This was a bit too sudden for me; I like seduction and foreplay, and I loved to anticipate and to be teased. This was far too rushed for me to enjoy. Then she leaned forward and asked if she could take it out. Without waiting for an answer, she opened my jeans and fished out my cock. It wasn’t hard. What can I say, I wasn’t physically turned on by her, and her bluntness caught me off guard in a bad way.

Then she started to stroke me.

The she lower her head and took me in her mouth.

As if on cue, her husband turned back toward the windshield and started the van. “How ’bout we go for a ride?” he asked.

He drove around the city for about 40 minutes, with her sucking me, me fucking her missionary style with the blinds of the windows drawn and me suckling on her puffy nipples and fingering her pussy while her he watched in the rearview mirror. He was quiet until I came in her pussy, then he couldn’t stop talking about how he wanted to go down on her, taste our combined juices and then slide inside her well-lubricated pussy. He was stroking himself through his jeans as he said this, and he drove like a bat out of hell to drop me back off at my car so he could get about his business.

The other men in the couples I’ve played with have been have been the same way. Aside from the one who sucked me off with his fiancee, none of them wanted to perform a sex act on me nor have me perform one on him, but they relished the opportunity to enjoy sloppy seconds. In each of those encounters, I was the first one to penetrate the woman. Randomness probably was a factor in how a few of those encounters played out (after all, it’s not like they scripted it), but in a couple of these, it was very clear that the man wanted to slide inside his wife or fiance just after another man had fucked her.

I have a talent for cumming with gusto. Maybe it’s because I’ve masturbated so much in my life, or maybe I’ve simply been bestowed with a biological blessing that enables me to shoot a thick wad over six feet when I ejaculate. Three times I’ve hit the ceiling with a cumshot during mutual masturbation sessions with a lover while laying on my back in bed. And I can’t count the number of times I’ve nearly blinded myself ( while masturbating in bed) or a lover (during oral) with my cumshot. So, to a degree, I get this cum fetish. After all, I’ve been the beneficiary of it. Trust me, guys with my talent quickly learn to appreciate those married men who love creampies (a cum-filled pussy) and women who love pearl necklaces. So, although Sean Avery clearly was trying to piss off those other hockey players, there are a lot of men and women would be turned if he directed his sloppy seconds comment their direction. (In fact, you can find a lot of them at Wifelovers.com, a site that caters to couples that delight in sexually adventurous wives.)

And if Rachel Hunter or Elisha Cuthbert is the sloppy seconds in question, you can count me among them.

December 3, 2008

Whore, who’s your daddy?

Posted in etymology, HotForWords, masturbation, whores at 10:26 am by prurientdiarist

When I wrote, I’ve known a few whores — and I don’t mean sellouts in the general sense. I mean those whose predecessors birthed this dirty word in a dirty alley centuries ago, I was tempted to digress into the origins of whore. Word origins intrigue me, and I love to guess at them before I look them up. One of my favorites is bonfire, which comes from bone fire, which is what it was called when the victims of the bubonic plague were stacked into a pile and set ablaze in hopes of curtailing the spread of the disease. *

BTW, I’d been told that the childhood rhyme Ring Around the Rosie has it’s origins in the plague years, but Snopes debunks that here. But you can see why people would think that:

Ring-around a rosie
A pocket full of posies
Ashes! Ashes!
We all fall down.

Line 1: Rosie = a red blemish on the skin. Think rosacea. This mark with a red ring around it was a indication that a person had been infected by the plague.

Line 2: The smell of decaying bodies was so bad that people would carry flower petals (I presume pockets was used in the rhyme for alliteration, but it’s conceivable that people kept them there) and hold them to their nose.

Line 3: It was standard practice to burn the bodies of plague victims.

Line 4: A pretty grim forecast, like the playground visions Sarah Connors had in Terminator. No future, indeed.

Anyway, I decided against searching out the origins of whore because the post already was shaping up to be pretty long, and, besides, it seems very appropriate to not know the lineage of a word that applies to a type of woman who, historically, could not know for certain who the fathers of her children are.

hotforwordsMarina. Not a whore. Definitely hot.

However, I have a huge crush on Marina of HotForWords, and I shamelessly confess to masturbating to her philology videos. I suspect I’m not the only one — smart women are a major turn on for many men. Perhaps I’ll ask her to put her hair in pigtails (mmmmm, pigtails), show a little cleavage, and talk about the origin of whore with that sexy accent of hers.

 
* Disclaimer: The college professor who told me about the origins of bonfire also told me about Ring Around the Rosie, so I’m probably going to have to look up bonfire to be certain.